his best not strong enough for love: a haiku (and a prose)

train climbing up

Not strong enough love

he tries his best honestly

giving in dying

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~He tries very hard to love her. Like climbing uphill on an old freight train. Sitting in the last coach car he looks out. The front coaches have wheeled ahead and turned to another direction round the bend. He can see the front coaches moving like they are leaving his coach behind. Like they are totally unrelated. Sometimes he feels that way with his love for her. She is so far ahead. Turning to a new direction somewhat beyond his reach. He tries to catch up. He works hard. He misses many turns. He looks backward. He recalls the many nights they watch the stars until morn. He drinks coffee at his pace alone, one sip at a time. He listens to the wind rustling the fallen leaves. He writes short love poems for her. He writes her one letter a day. Sometimes she receives a whole stack of them when the postman rings only once a week. When he goes to work in a distant country he calls daily. He remembers the public phone in the basement of a Japanese departmental store in an Asian city. He goes there for dinner daily and makes long distance phone calls to her. One day he sees a classic movie. About a strong and futile love between two classmates (a young man and a young woman who disguises herself so she can attend college) that had a sad ending. Both become butterflies. The whole movie theatre seems to be filled with audience who sob, young and old, man and woman. Tears roll down his cheeks. He doesn’t bother to wipe them off as he cannot keep fresh tears from flowing down again. Their love is strong but not strong enough to help them to run away from home (and their society) and start a new life together. Strong enough to die together but not strong enough to live together. Sad story. He is not even strong enough to die. He lives on. Like now on this train that goes uphill. She lives on, in another city. He now knows, strong love means living on regardless. Living is stronger than giving up and dying. Because living means hope.

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